Last day one of my friends shared me some of his problems regarding his personal life. He is in Love for past 5 years and many a times he said to me that he found his perfect match. And never ever go into other relations. As he is satisfied with her and she care him like her life.I remembered his words when he shared his problems.
His problem with his lover is simple in the view of others ,but when it comes into real life,It is not. May be this is an old rotten thread for the world. The way she loved him and now the way she love him is different. He felt so. At the beginning she was bit more caring and when she joined her career ,she become duty conscious..when the time he is also working, he find time for her to talk. The duty time of both is different. One has night duty and the other has day duty.As the lady is from Medical field her duty timings are different. He said to me ,even if his work got over by 6 'o' clock in evening he will wait for her up to 12 pm to talk with her and when he calls her, her reply will be in a tired mood. When he is romantic she is not..it's very hard to make her romantic. The real problem is that they have already been into intercourse and now he found it difficulty to cope up without a day's-talk with her. He needs her presence ,even if it is not available he needs her care through words. He tried to talk with her openly ,but she is still telling that she is the same old girl.He said while she is doing her duty ,at that time she don’t even send a message or atleast do a missed call.
From his talk I make out one thing, He is not talking about his sexual need. More over he want her to be romantic, more lovable. I walked with him into the depths' and understood that he is Moving slowly into depression which is dangerous. He said that I don’t feel like talking to her and calling her. I tried to counsel him and change his mind. He talked about his work-pressure and the couples in his work place and the way they enjoy life. I was Shocked to hear that, because he always advised our friends never compare your relationships. His words expressed his dissatisfaction in his relation. In a long Distance relations this are common. But the fellow seated behind me cant understand this because he is a person who give importance to family life more than anything. I asked him about his Physical relationship with her. He said he is completely satisfied with her.
I was thinking about this matter for some days. ..I know that ladies will be matured more than man while moving in relationship.But is it like that why she is more romantic while she is with him and extremely opposite while she is at duty place?
I started working on this issue and discussed with many of my friends who are Psychologists and psycatrists .Most of the answers were fair and just satisfactory. But it didn’t answered my questions after along search through the internet and psychological magazines and articles ai found an answer which I found more interesting
My Thoughts
With the psychological concepts as basis I enquired about his family.I found an interesting stuff that his grand father has 12 children and he was more dependent on his wife.He asked her presence at paddy field while working and even at the markets.In his last days he was more dependant on his wife and he used to walk with her in the day time.Probably you may think what this can do with the
Case?
Here is the catch.The sexual degree of response (SDR) and the Emotional Power vary form persons to persons on the basis of hereditary. It can be on two ways
1.It can be alternate (Grandfather-High
Father-Normal or low
Son-High
2.It can be continuous (ie same level for all)
If the grand father has this degree of response level high the grand child may poses it from 2 or 3 years from birth.It will start developing. Some children show the tendency to be feeded for 2-3 years.This Children show a tendency to mingle with the opp.sex very fastly.
But the main catch is that the Family Background will determine his ACTS. His movements and way of living will be determined by the parents lifestyle. If he is highly ethical then there is a high possibility that the person will have a High Controlling power over himself. In this type of Persons when he grows ,means when his personality forms, a parallel personality(lets call it second personality ) will also be formed. This is on the basis of the hereditary Character. This personality will have a high urge for the Emotions and desires' .I would like to define the development of personality in such a way. In order to have a good personality, self development is needed. An executive’s self is the sum total of all that he can call his own. Self is something of which he is aware of. The self concept which an executive brings to his job is the amalgamation of many things, his perception towards his parents, the rules he has learnt, the impressions he carries about his peers, the record of success and failure, and the idea of what rewards he deserves.
From the article :-
Biological factors:
The foremost determinant of personality is the biological factor, in which are included heredity, the brain and the physical stature. Psychologists and geneticists argue strongly that heredity plays an important role in one’s personality. The importance of heredity varies from one personality trait to another. For example, heredity plays a more important role in determining a person’s temperament than determining the values and ideals.
Here the article gave me a strong evidence for my thoughts.
The first personality which is formed on the basis of psychological and Physical factors which can be further broken down into Family factor, Environment Factor etc..The first personality will be have a strong moral base and ethical base.The family factor play a great role in that. But the second personality which is a part of first itself(for simplicity I called it second personality) has a differnce.It will be made on the basis of only biological factors. It will accept only the changes which to which it can adapt. It will see, hear and think only in the manner in which it is made up of. Even the person never knew about the second personality which is growing inside him unless and until he try to find it out. at some point of time some where between 18-25 it will be revealed to himself. Then there will be a clash between the first and second.
Before going further let me speak about the characters of first and second
The first is the personality which a Person show to the world or a MASK
He or She can change according to situations
Can cover the face with a mask of generous ,friendly character
But no body other than the person will come to know about the second
The second personality is highly emotionally driven
The person have High sexual desires
He or she can be sexually aroused at any time
The second personality can over come the first personality at times
It just a emotional desire for seconds
The second personality make the Human moving around opposite sex.This people generally most of them have a tact of attracting people through speaking or through other factors.They can Use their first personality as a cover to attract people. The opposite sex will get easily attracted to the first personality without much confusions. The way of speaking and their style is in such a way.They can be friendly for long time. Mostly it is seen that the people who having a high moral base will not allow the second personality to over rule.But they may express the feeling to their lover or Partner.Its not just sex,they look for caring and love and they will expect the caring at all times. Now a days the second personality is being accelerated by the Medias and Internet and and what the see.The open relationship through social networking sites also provoke the second personality to compel the first to overcome the Moral values and use the person for satisfying its need. Whatever they do,will be in privacy and rarely the speak about that. The second personality knows how to play with the situations.
The real problem starts after this. The doings of second personality will make the first to feel guilty and the person will feel the same. Then they will try to keep a distance with person they have done this rather there is also a chance for them to utilize the person to a short period ,but it never ever go beyond an extent. The second personality will feel difficult to adjust with the person for a long time .It slowly moves to other ,so does the person moves from one to another
But there is another face to this situation. Already I said the first personality, if it is powerful to over rule the thoughts of second ,it can Suppress the feelings or thoughts. If the first is Morally deterministic it can change the first condition. It will not go for another person in Opposite sex other than his wife.This also can happen. Even if it happened once and the First personality is enough powerful to control the persons mind ,then definitely this phenomenon can be controlled.
How can we Identify this type of persons?
Let me be honest.It is quite difficult. The person himself has 2 tell this or We can know from the Close friends of the person. It is very hard in other ways. If the person know this fact he will not share with anybody .But the people who know his /her personal life can easily make it out
Usually this people never express such things publically or personally .If he or she knows this is the right person then only they will take that person in that way and they are able to convince the people in the way they want.
What are the solutions?
I found one of interesting solutions that this type of persons, will fall into affairs or long term relations in teenages and stick to it, if the person really want to escape from it. Once if the guilty feeling started or when he came to know that his feeling is disturbing himself ,he will concentrate on his lover itself. This is one of the solutions from Practical life. This people never allow the second personality to over rule themselves.
The other solutions are building a moral bond within person and Avoid accelerators like Sensual films ,Porn sites and Movies and Such Situations.Yoga and Therapies(mind therapies) are other useful ways to escape from this feelings.More over talk openly to the partner about the syndrome and his sexual feelings so the partner will be able to satisfy the person throughout life.Many a times in long distance relationship this thing is common. It took me nearly one and half years to search for the reason and come to a solution.
Disclaimer:
This Material is made based upon only assumptions and knowledge contained form printed materials. More over this is the Thought of author. This has no connection with any person or any couple ,with whom you guess.In case of any queries please feel to contact back
10 comments:
Hi Anson
firstly, congratulatons for having completed the research successfully and the second thing, thank you for doing it..it was very informative..!!! now, about the post completely, here are my comments...i would like to share a few things..!!!
one:
the way you have done the post, it shows that you had put in a lots of effort in achieving the results.
two:
the hereditary part of it was really interesting. i never knew that the genetic system would effect our personality too..thanks for that information too.
three:
i still dint understand why will the second personality share the identity even to the friends...coz' it may happen that even if they are the close friends, it may think about the self respect aspect and also, never wants to get laughed at or creat any kind of disturbance in their relationship as well.....this was just a doubt that i got when i was reading the post...so i wish to know how this would be answered.
four:
its got nothing to do abt the content of the post but its abt the flow of the post..Anson, i some how felt (as a writer) that there isnt a free flow in the post...grammar, use of words, flow of the thoguht etc.!!!
five:
how can you conclude it in a few lines, say some 4 lines. oz' when someone asks you about the research results you cant tell about the whole concept right...so how would you conclude it in four lines
this is it anson, i know my comment has become another post, but i wanted to share everything i felt as a reader...!!!
thanks for the post anson, i certainly liked it and gained a better level of knowledge from it..!!!
thank you dear( thanks here is from a blogger/writer/reader n not frm the friend ok)
as u only heard what the guy has told,u can't get into a conclusion.they may hav some internal conflicts between them which may not need to be visible.u r creatn juz a prejudice about the girl by hearing frm the mouth of the guy.
hey anson
the research you have done is really good.especially the type of personalities and their characters.expecting more
Nice work buddy.. A lot of effort from ur side..!! Its a nice discussion topic too..!! Many should read this..!!!
hey anson...
the research you have dne is extremely good..heredity part is very interesting...bt i didnt beleive genetics have such great impact on our behavior..according to me environmental factors,upbringing of a child affect his personality d most...yes...i agree dat der is sme heredity qualities n negativity wch v recieve..bt according to me..it can be easily overcome by the upbringing..n first n second personality is jst situational based..or sometimes u wan to sy smethn bt nt able to share coz of the listener..as u get a person who cn listen to you,,u share..dat nt second personality..
this is my perception..
hey dude..nice to see you back.
Well done with your research.I am hearing about SDR and hereditory effects for the first time.And about the second personality.
I am sharing my thoughts on this issue.
- I think life can me made simple if we think simple.Think in an open way.Express everything.Afterall hiding pain in your heart will gain you nothin other than more pain.
- love will be sucessful only if it is unconditional.Here your friend is worried about his girlfriend not texting or calling during her duty time.I guess there may be some reason.
hey anson... ur research has given a scientific perspective to relationships... it was quite a knowledge to know that the genes and heredity have an impact on our behaviour in a relationship... good job dude... looking forward for more!!!!
@yamini
Dear yamini, thank u for the comment.First of all, em sorry for not keeping the flow of post..I was abit hurry to post it n more over u know our schedule of classes.Form next time onwards i will listen to this things
then about conclusion part,yuamini,it not about concluding i didnt concluded that .I said about only the different type of personalities and the way they move .More over usually research never concludes in one line.I just give solutions for that ,it i smore flexible>may be there are other solutions for that.For the conclsuion of my post i ended up with solutions ,thats it.There are many other chara of the other personality.U can see it also.If u have watched the movie "Gost of girl friends past" you will get more info.I can explain the concept to anybody,coz i gained some thorugh knowledge about it.
@ pretty
Pretty i already said in the post that i have talked with the lady also,We talked together and i came across many couples with same problem .I have refered to many sites and books and Movies (classic Ones).then only i came with this thread dear.Ny way what u said is correct.we can't comment from one side,but here it is not the case
dude gr8 one ... Hof 4 ur hard work..
wat i fnd diffnrt > is ur topic & "PRS" method>
PRS: Probls->reasons>solutions ..
and all biological resons from an "EC btech" , he he ..gr8 man
keep bloging...
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